So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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