Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
