with your own penis?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
