Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
