You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
