Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
