I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
