I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
