We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
