I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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