It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
