Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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