East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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