Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
