What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
