ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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