Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Michael Bay diarrhea
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
