We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
