I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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