did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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