Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
