Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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