i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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