I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
