Christians are straight up FREAKS
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
