You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize