OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
