you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
