It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
