I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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