Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
