There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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