I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
