whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
