I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
