In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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