Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
