Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
