the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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