You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
