i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
