Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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