it wasn't lemon gatorade
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
