Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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