You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
