The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
