His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone came in the potted fern
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
