I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
