How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
