i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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