So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
