May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
