Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
