Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
