he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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