yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
