what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
