Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
