I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how drunk are you?
Several
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
