it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
