We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
