I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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