It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
