when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
