3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
