I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
