im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
