***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
