I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
