There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
