Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
