i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
