C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
