my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
