I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
