I can tuck mytits in my pants
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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