Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
