Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
