I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
