somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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